The Best

The Sun is taking the odds 

of going on down 

and begging the damned to hear 

his beautiful sound 

and drowning from a memory he sang himself to death for all to see

so he could tell me 

I was supposed to be the best 

I was supposed to be the best 

The circle of change is making a cowardly heist 

and driving his lies along a getaway ride 

and dining with the mighty general sent in handcuffs 

of my memories

so he can tell me 

I was supposed to be the best

There's a fracture sculpting out my face

from people I have been before and chained

fighting just to get aboard before they're boarded up

and stored away 

before they tell me 

I was supposed to be the best 

I was supposed to be the best

Dream That Forgot All Dreams 

My violent passion sits uptight 

it wants to wash back where it came 

forget itself in a white ink 

and paint the stars a western night 

and smoke the romance to the skies 

where no one can ever be reached 

and wash up as a best friend to a dream 

a dream that forgot all dreams 

Once I drove out by a bridge 

drawn by a laughter in the fog 

I heard its echo in the bay 

laughing at a future that I missed 

but before I could take a rinse 

I heard my name in the breeze

to wash up as a best friend to a dream 

a dream that forgot all dreams 

My angry ruler lashes out

by giving me a memory

where a sunset gave itself

the paint job of a washed up firehouse

now only graves hang in clouds

the fog of who I was down a stream

to wash up as a best friend to a dream

a dream that forgot all dreams  

Mindfuck

My father saw his dad die of a heart attack 

while eating at a Mexican food stand  

his head into his plate like he was taping a nap 

right there in Mexico, my dad's life collapsed 

and when I was five crying all the time

he fastened me with my first piece of advice

If it's God we trust

then I'm sure as hell 

that the world he made 

is a mindfuck 

is a mindfuck

is a mindfuck 

There were some mornings  

when he'd take us to church 

and we'd always have debates

whether God was the cure 

and he'd ask my mom how she was so sure 

then he'd drop us off and go right back to his work 

and when I Was 25 

he said his greatest vice 

was following his father's own piece of advice 

If it's God we trust

then I'm sure as hell 

that the world he made 

is a mindfuck 

is a mindfuck

is a mindfuck

Every month of October  

heard bullets in his talk 

like the lines on his face

had seen a firing squad 

older he got, he'd give up his death watch

for a deathwish that he would die like his old pops 

and when I was 29

he left us in the night 

with a note for my child with that same advice 

If it's God we trust

then I'm sure as hell 

that the world he made 

is a mindfuck 

is a mindfuck

is a mindfuck

One n' the Same 

Lips shiver through the spine

with the whips lashing at your mind

and though your eyes fall down the drain

your failures brave

I fear, we're one n' the same

The myth drowning down the moon

as it swims all the way to you 

and shakes your nightmares wide awake

no getaway 

I fear, we're one n' the same 

To dance, and dance like we're mad, and dumb, too bad, 

'cause the happiness here won't last 

Now the flintlock sparks the charge

in the same box we fell apart          

'cause we all want the same thing

acquire a taste

to be just one n' the same  

Creekwood

On the banks of her face

I hear a splash, eyebrow's rain

eluding smiles where raincoats hang 

in a breeze, hostile in the weeds 

while an idle arc in her back 

trails off into the grass 

We carve patient hearts 

melded hands play the harp 

with notes only ours 

an old fashioned race, to see love age

from an ancient old plea 

to blow around into a dying breeze 

We'll stay, near some graves 

family plot, make someday        

the headstones face to face 

eye to eye for all time 

and give the last rites to the reeds 

where we met and where we'll die in the creek 

Why don't you let your lover down gently 

why don't you let your lover down gently 

why don't you let your lover down gently 

in Creekwood 

Paper Plate Love Poems

Spent the afternoon cleaning up 

sorted through an old box 

by the attic door caked in dust 

found old photos you'd lost 

must've been a couple months 

after you met Dad

the edges worn 

and fading from 

expressions of romance 

Underneath some figurines 

with missing arms and legs

I found a pic of all of us 

on vacation somewhere out west 

somewhere on a trail then 

I remember you got lost 

I thought of that day 

when you told me 

Dad had called it off

Mixed in with Christmas ornaments 

where fingerpaint reads our names 

I found his paper plate love poems 

he'd leave on routine workdays 

with all those coffee stains 

he made while writing them to you 

sometimes he even wrote 

a couple for us too 

Mom, I just wish there was something I could say or do 

but I'm starting to finally get

I'll never be able to 

Dunn Woods

Dad woke us at dawn 

made us get ready 

to drive to Bloomington 

gave me the front seat 

just the three of us 

Paul in the backseat 

we played a mini game 

of cops and thieves 

When we got there 

met Uncle Tom's team 

playing basketball

tallest guys I'd ever seen 

they shook out hands

like celebrities 

they let us shoot

and I hit a three 

Parked at Assembly Hall

we saw The General's son 

my dad talked to him 

we got starstruck 

we got his autograph 

my dad said it must

be a lucky day 

given to us 

We went to Pizza King

ate on a silver plate

had our soft drinks

delivered on a train 

my dad looked at us 

said we should never waste

the things that will make us 

truly great 

Walked to his law school 

through Dunn woods 

he found the bench where 

he said he understood 

he loved my mom as much 

as anyone could 

that he was put here to 

keep us from wolves 

Next day in 2nd grade

wrote in my journal twice 

of all my years here 

yesterday takes the prize

 and as I think back

still think that's right 

reading those cursive words 

the best day of my life 

Unreliable Narrator

A chatty movement following my mom 

she wore her happiness 'til dawn 

I let my feet get covered up with sand 

adored my mother's face with my hands

my dad following us behind

on a straight and narrow line  

But did this happen then?

was I six or maybe ten?

did I hallucinate

a furnished mental state?

unreliable narrator 

driving me along 

On the walls Lake Michigan just stared

as our naked bodies were shared  

in that bedroom I became a doll

a blanket full of shame that walked the halls

oh how this defined who I was 

chiseled a man I'd never trust 

Was I in that room

with that scent of cheap perfumes?

did we play a game of hide our naked shame?

unreliable narrator

driving me along 

What if I said I was never here at all 

what if I said I had never lived at all 

except to be a moment that forgets 

it all. 

Was I by that shore?

was I 10 or 24?

Did I hesitate to wash up in those waves?

unreliable narrator 

driving me along

Futuristic Antique Store

There they hang all in a row 

certificates I got just for showing up

right by a two year old's winter coat 

that only had contact with closet dust 

next to trophies that said we'd go far 

hearing father say we'd all be stars

now they're sitting in a futuristic antique store 

Family pictures used to hang from walls 

until I made myself talk them down 

they wanted to jump with no one to call 

so I placed them on top of my old toy house 

next to trophies that said we'd go far   

hearing father say we'd all be stars 

now they're sitting in a futuristic antique store 

I hear a VHS tape rewind 

it plays back my father rolling me down a hill

and nothing could compare to that moment in time 

because that kind of happiness does not get rebuilt 

so I place it by trophies and cards 

in between where we all fell apart

now they're burning in a futuristic antique store 

The Participant

Lined up the bat, took a look around 

facing bottom of the 9th, with no less than 2 outs 

hit a curve ball, went right over first 

glove grabbing at the ball, all I really heard 

still, I ran through every base 

felt every single cry from my teammates 

they handed me a plaque 

with a golden baseball hat  

and I looked into the crowd 

but you weren't there 

and I knew

That I was just a participant to you 

that I was just a participant to you 

that I was just a participant

win or lose 

In junior high, on opening night 

after lights had gone out, I forgot my lines

I freaked out, heard every single cough 

and I had to think of you, to get rid of my knots

so I improvised the scene of my life

and I could sense in everyone, they knew that part was mine

and when I took that bow 

with ovations from the crowd 

you kept sitting down 

like you weren't there

and I knew

That I was just a participant to you

that I was just a participant to you

that I was just a participant

win or lose

Then once I left to take the world as mine      

find something of my own, make a decent life

instead I got pain around my head 

doctors told me I would not have much time left 

I joined experimental tests, scared to die alone 

'cause something in me always knew I would not come home

so I called you one long night

with death at my bedside

as love weaponized

you said you'd be there

and I knew

That I was more than a participant to you 

that I was more than a participant to you 

that I was more than a participant, win or lose 

Death Of It All

The shrieks 

of the hospital 

are deafening our aging cackle

time's come much too soon 

they say i'm crazy to love you 

falling in love with the death of it all 

The pitch of our screaming tears

is dancing as the pills go swimming

in gin that drowns the moon 

burning like crazy lovers do 

falling in love with the death of it all 

The platter with my plastic cup

is labeling my love as crazy

but then you are too

so it's only normal 

I'd love you 

falling in love with the death of it all 

Matty Mattsson's The Participant

Upcoming Shows

Twitter